cross my heart & hope to die
by scintillating stars
Summary: "she watched as the sharp edge of the blade ripped through her porcelain skin, creating a straight thin line down her slender arm."- au. she just couldn't let herself betray her vow to him. oneshot.


**a/n: yes i know i have a bajillion other stories to update (and i promise i will, eventually!), but i just couldn't resist! read this anyway? :/**

**[disclaimed]**

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**cross my ****heart**** and hope to **_**d i e**_

(take me with you, i start to miss you. take me home, i don't wanna be alone tonight.

and i do want to show you i will run to you, till i can't stand on my own anymore.

i cross my heart and hope to die, cross my heart and hope to die.)

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_silver, shiny & sharp as hell._

-A perfect description of **the** brand new razor she was holding in her hand.

The **beauty** of the blade amazed her. It was so

_normal, common & deadly_

-all at the same time.

The jade colored gel on the soft grip **of** the razor felt comfortable in her hand, but she was pretty damn sure that the other side of the tool would not feel so pleasant in her palm.

_but of course, she had bought it for **the** harmful side, not the soft side._

The clean smooth metal glimmered as it reflected light off of the flourescent lights in her bathroom.

_she had never hated light more, or had she ever wanted **darkness** more._

Entranced by the bewitching device, she **was** a bit hesitant as she experimentally brought the razor down onto her left arm.

_she watched as the sharp edge of the blade ripped through her porcelain skin, creating a straight thin line down her slender arm._

Somehow the bright red color of her blood that stained the razor made it even more **perfect** and desirable in her eyes.

_it was proof that it could actually damage things, it wasn't hopeless like she was._

Walking over to her full-sized mirror, she sneered in disgust at her reflection.

_she would've looked flawless in anyone else's eyes, despite the line of blood running down her arm._

She took her index finger **and** smeared it with the astonishingly thick liquid.

_she wanted to finally tell the world exactly how she felt, in a most unique way, she thought, giggling humorlessly._

Carefully and precisely,** she** wrote her message with her slanted cursive writing on her expensive oakwood mirror.

_she felt a bit bad about scarring the mirror, but it deserved it for all the times it made her look too fat or too ugly-**just** too imperfect._

Happy with the menacing appearance of her message, she took a deep breath and did what she **had** been waiting to do for the last three years.

_she chuckled as she realized that this was probably the longest it had taken her to get what she wanted._

Hands shaking with anticipation, she harshly brought the razor down onto her wrist, where she knew there was a major artery.

_oh, the pain felt so fucking good. she let herself enjoy the sensation of the hurt traveling through her veins and temporarily numbing her entire body._

She ignored the pool of red that was growing next **to** her feet and brought the razor even deeper into her flesh, deciding that the first cut just wasn't enough-the pain was so addicting.

_she laughed a genuine laugh -her first one in a while- as she realized that she was unstoppable now. no one could control her, she had finally gained the control she had been waiting her whole life for, ironic because she had to **give** up everything for this control.  
_

She managed to cut her wrist with the sharp blade one last time before she felt herself float into blackness, into painless oblivion.

_'happy birthday, you son of a bitch.' she thought before she lost control of her thoughts and her body, acting on instinct, hopelessly tried to start **up** her vital organs again. _

It was **the** lost battle between her weary and tired body and her ever so persistent mind.

_and plus, she always got what she wanted in the end, even if she did have to **fight** for it._

**/**

Excerpt from The New York Times on January 16, 2011:

"International multi-billionare William Block's 17-year-old daughter Massie Arianna Block was found dead in her bathroom on the Block Estate in Westchester, New York late at night on January 15. The cause of death was severe blood loss from the self-inflicted wounds on her wrist, evidence pointed towards the cuts being made by a razor blade from CVS Pharmacy. There was a mysteriously cryptic message written with her own blood on her mirror. It stated 'Happy birthday, Josh. Remember long long ago when we vowed to never leave each other? The vow ended with _cross my heart and hope to die_. Well you left me first, and I absolutely hate you for it, but since you kept to your vow, I decided I would keep mine too. Sorry it took me this long to build up the courage. Love, Massie.' It is assumed by most that this message was dedicated to Massie's late boyfriend Joshua Matthew Hotz, who's birthday was yesterday. He had died in an unfortunate drunk driving accident three years ago, also on his birthday, after his birthday party-thrown by Massie herself. Hopefully the two starcrossed lovers are now reunited in heaven. Rest In Peace, Massie Arianna Block."

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**a/n: wow that was pretty depressing. xD well sorry for probably ruining your day with both my disgusting writing and the gloomy topic. it's just that admission decisions come in 5 days and i'm really nervous & sad if i don't get in... maybe write me a review to complain? :)**

**p.s. lyrics at start of story are from 'cross my heart' by marianas trench**

**p.p.s. piece together all the bolded words and find a hidden mystery message!**


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